By Maurice Johnson
-What makes this time around any different? I stopped lying to myself and I took my mask off. –Anonymous
Your body will often let you know when something is amiss. You sneeze when dust particles get in your nose. You tear up when something gets in your eye in an effort to get it out. You vomit when you eat a substance that is not a part of the program of your body. It also does it on an emotional-spiritual level by crossing over into the physical realm providing you with a sensation of calmness or a feeling of calamity and chaos. Have you ever been in a scenario where someone said something to you that prompted something in your stomach to churn slightly? Or rather did you have the experience of your “heart dropping into your gut”? I’m willing to bet on it that you have felt this among other things before. The next question is what did you do with it? Did you pass it off as something you ate or just “butterflies”? Or did you investigate it further? Perhaps you have done both. Perhaps you kept feeling the sensations and became curious as to what it meant and why it would happen at certain times and not others. I could go on and on about what this is and give countless examples and spout reference after reference but that’s not the purpose of this conversation. Today I wish to share with you an idea based on this “feeling” we get at times and how to use it to find the freedom from the “masks” that we wear or have worn throughout our lives.
Here’s a few short stories.
Story 1:
I was driving with someone several years ago and the ride was relatively quiet. I was feeling happy that day and wanted to engage in conversation. I guess I was more excited at the prospect of romance which was probably the source of the happy feeling. Curious to know her thoughts I asked “Hey, so what are you thinking about? What’s on your mind?” She responded with something that triggered that “gut twitch” feeling. “I don’t like to share the contents of my mind” I instantly thought that to be extremely strange especially since we have been “seeing each other” for a bit of time. Within a split second I knew that the prospect of this being a healthy, long term relationship was a done deal. Deep within I knew but I didn’t want to buy into the fact provided to me. Over time, the relationship that ensued fizzled out and after the end of it a laundry list of lessons came pouring in and the amount of “red flags” that I ignored piled up. These lessons were presented for years after the relationship ended.
Story 2:
I came into some money due to an accident that I was involved in when I was 9 years old. I had decided that I wanted to get myself a car after getting my driver’s license. I was about 19 at the time and my sister had a boyfriend who was around quite often and he offered to help me out because “I didn’t know anything” about buying a car. After going around and searching for a place to get started we stumbled upon a place that had a 1987 firebird with these huge back tires and loud pipes. I’ve always been team muscle car probably due to my father being an owner of a monte carlo back in the day. I turned the engine on and instantly loved the sound. I knew that this was the one. I absolutely felt it. Yet, the guy who was helping me out talked me out of it. Let’s rephrase that. I ALLOWED him to talk me out of it. I had a moment to resist yet, I did not. We go to another place and then we find a 1987…. Volvo 240DL. The price range was the same as the firebird and the mileage wasn’t that high. All seemed well with it so I sealed the deal on it. Reluctantly, I sealed the deal on it. Something just didn’t sit right with this but I decided that I would make it work. Less than a week later I found that the tires on the car were dry-rotted so I had to get new tires along with a series of other issues that came over time. Before long major repair issues came along with it as I had to fix a head gasket and a radiator hose and pump. After all was said and done I put the same amount of money into the car that I paid for it and in the end I totaled it on a fire hydrant. And I just kept thinking about that firebird. It would be many years later when I got behind the wheel of a muscle car that I owned.
Story 3:
I met someone at work at a time of my life where I began to embark on a journey to self. It involved a lot of crazy experiences with the opposite sex and a bunch of challenges to my traditional way of doing things. We talked openly about things little by little and we became closer friends. I decided that I was going to give a relationship a shot because this particular girl apparently made my checklist. (She made it because I was not being absolutely authentic) I remember talking to my friend about an issue that came up between me and my new “girlfriend” or rather “life passenger”. My friend said to me, “No decision IS a decision”. I felt that gut check sensation right then and there and I was attempting to deny it but this time I could not. Some time went by and the little thing that I had going on was done. In hindsight I knew that it wasn’t going to work because I couldn’t fulfill a new rule that I came up with for my committed relationships going forward. “Be 100% transparent and honest. Because if the person truly accepts me for who I am and does not judge me based on the past then they are worthy of what I have to offer and I am worthy of what they have to offer.” After a brief “grieving” period I continued on with my newly acquired single life with a new twist. I put the honesty policy into practice and I set strong standards for myself. I found that my policy was working and I didn’t have the gut check sensation like I used to. In fact, I had a different sensation. Almost like a release of sorts when I was open and honest about things. When I was hit with a bout of indecisiveness I implemented just flipping a quarter. More often than not if I followed the choice that came up by the quarter I got the release feeling or nothing at all. However, when I went against it the gut check comes and I say that I should’ve listened to the quarter. By doing this, I began to become more in tuned with the sensations that my body gave me in conjunction with the choices I made.
Story 4: (Kind of the sequel to story 3)
I made a decision based on my therapist’s recommendation that I would go against a self implemented policy of not getting into relationships with coworkers. I’ve done that a few times and failed so I didn’t want to do it again. But, I gave it a shot. My friend who gave me the advice about the indecisive girl from the previous story was showing signs of interest. I’ve had thoughts myself but I wasn’t quite there yet and I was not going to get into another relationship until I felt like I was good to go, had a clear mind, and not have any side things going on. I knew that I had to address the sensations that were coming up concerning her and get rid of what was no longer serving me. At this time of my life I became privy to the inner workings of my emotions and the source of the stories that I told myself and I decided to rebel against the programming of old. My interest grew towards my friend and I knew that I didn’t want to do anything casual with her as I have been doing that prior. We had a conversation that put all the cards on the table and we were both extremely honest with each other. Though it was really difficult to be that open and honest about certain information it took the mask off policy to the highest level. Due to the level of honesty and the trust that came from this particular standard I have only known the sensation of release versus the sensation that I felt when I was lying to someone or to myself. My friend is set to be my wife at this time and we are exactly who we said we are with the only change to be expected is growth. We have difficult conversations at times but these are part of living with the mask off. It’s the life of honesty. There’s no presentation or any entry tactic to get something. It’s just pure living in each moment truthfully and without the gut check sensations. The start of our relationship was grounded in truth which set the tone for how we are moving forward even today.
When people are able to let go of the persona that they put out there for the world to see, they get to live more at ease because one is not living to meet another’s expectations. They are living to live and enjoy life as they are in total freedom. I truly believe that when a person drops the weight of “putting on” for others by taking off their masks they are making a great statement. This also allows for people to step up and make changes to themselves for themselves and not necessarily for anyone else. While it is really difficult to do this on a regular basis, it takes away that guilty feeling that your body is warning you about which is actually more harmful to you than you may even know. By facing the difficulty and listening to your bodily cues as they may differ from person to person, you are listening to the universal intelligence that is within you. And as you listen to the intelligence you grow stronger in your trinity on a daily basis evolving into your highest self. The intelligence will not steer you wrong. It is our own ways that steer us in a wayward direction when we decide to do the “easy” thing and not pay attention to what is being told to us. The bible says God speaks to us in a soft, still voice. The sensation you feel when it is right is soft, and still. Be calm and listen with all that you are and you will find the elevation you are seeking through truth.