By Maurice Johnson
Lessons from the Mountain
Part 2: Redemption
I remember the defeated feeling, the ridicule, the criticism, the should haves, the why didn’t you do this or that. I remember the only evidence I had that I made an attempt at the Spartan ultra in 2016 at Killington Vermont was a picture of me staring off into space and a lime green wrist band. This was the same mountain that made me go to sleep after finishing the Spartan beast a year prior. I remember the regrets and the mistakes and the lack of energy prior to the start of the race along with a double dose of anxiety due to having to rush around and do things for myself. Its 2019. And shit is different now.
3 years ago, I jumped into the Spartan Ultra feeling like was being shipped off to die. Murphy’s law was definitely in attendance as even from the start things were off. Our start time got pushed back 20 minutes to a half hour. I had a half-assed breakfast so my energy wasn’t right. Along with a bunch of other things: (See the first story, Lesson from the Mountain: Part 1) This year, 4am Saturday September 14th I woke up to get my oatmeal ready, shower and put our race gear together… Yes, I said our race gear. My fiancée decided to pursue her own challenge with her first Spartan beast to complete her Trifecta her first year out while I ran the Spartan Ultra. As I said, things are different now. She woke up at 4:30am ready to offer her full support prior to having her own challenges. We leave the cozy little carriage house that we rented for the weekend at 5:15am to arrive at what I considered to me my arch nemesis, the Killington Ski area mountain. It was dark when we got there and the festival area was alive already as the elites and age group competitor waves had started. The first open wave, (my wave) was set to start at 6:30. My nerves were getting after me but thank God I had help. My fiancée, who I will now add her name Jen, was with me double checking things for me and she gave me the idea of buying a light jacket for the cold as it was definitely a cold one to start. Though I was nervous (actually in this case excited) I had a totally different approach to the starting corral than 3 years ago. After losing my time chip 3 times and having to get a new one I was toying with the idea of having my iPod with me on the course to have music with me for the time I was out there. Nope. Didn’t work that way. Not enough time to get it together before I had to hit that first wall. Jen followed me up as I did my own personal hype chant and we both witnessed Joe Desena the founder of Spartan Race come up and send us off which was a rare treat. As I was taking it all in and getting hyped up by the MC who did a really great job on this one, there was a guy next to me who I started chatting with and we started off together. I didn’t initially ask for his name because I didn’t know how long we’d be with each other. However, maybe around 2 hours later we figured that we should stay with each other the whole time so I asked. His name was Guillaume a 25 year-old French Canadian Spartan from Quebec who basically became my saving grace for this race. I called him “G” because I couldn’t pronounce his name right and I didn’t want to butcher it. From the moment we met just up the hill from the starting block this added to the feeling that this one was going to end much differently. It represented so much as my whole life this time around was different. But it didn’t mean that it would be any easier.
As G and I hit the first hill together I was still in hype mode. The rain was light and my warm up was already taken care of because of the incline. I had once again layered up to start and then I was debating on losing my top layer pants much earlier on. Despite the conditions being gloomy, wet, and relatively cold I felt good. I did a few times get concerned about my left knee as it didn’t feel quite like my right knee. I flashed for a moment to when I was having trouble standing and walking back about a year and a half prior. However, I quickly killed that thought by saying, “Nope. We’re doing this!” By this time, we were probably 10-20 minutes into the race and G and I decided on the strategy. It was his first Ultra as he had raced in Canada quite a bit and I had the tortured memory from my DNF so it was pretty easy to figure something out. I had 2 watches on just in case one died out at a certain point so we set our pace. Our original intention was to finish the race in 12 hours and things looked pretty promising as we were moving along. The watch I used this time was a Garmin Instinct with a tactical design and a fully charged battery that lasted up to 16 hours with the gps mode on. It was also a life saver as I realized how important it is to track yourself during this type of race. According to the map they wanted to get us fully wet and dirty from the start so once we hit some basic walls and a few downhills through some technical terrain (actually, it was pretty much all technical terrain) then we got to the barbed wire followed by a very cold rolling mud, dunk wall and then slip wall. At this point I decided to lose my top layer pants as I didn’t want to have additional wet pants on me weighing me down. I took my camelbak off and just went for it. No hesitation. No thoughts. Just get in, get out asap and keep moving. Strangely enough the cold water was a huge help for my knees and my temperature as my body got warmer after I got out of the water. What a surprise! The slip wall was very easy at this point because it was still fresh and now the games began. We had a bit travel through the woods before the first round z walls and the lake. I remembered last time how I froze at the lake swim because I’m not a strong swimmer at the moment. I told myself that I’m not going to hesitate at any point because that is one of the things that cost me. So I approached the lake and was ready to take the burpees as G went for the swim. However, to my surprise, there weren’t any burpees for that one. I was shocked. Not necessarily delighted either but at least it did save us a quite a bit of time. I waited for G to come out of the water and we took off towards the cargo net in the parking lot. After the cargo net we had the tire flip in which I truly underestimated because of the look of the tires. The female tires were 200lbs and male tires were 400lbs. I’m not a stranger to moving heavy tires but I never encountered a 400lbs tire during any Spartan race I’ve done over the years. This one was legendary though. I got the flip and then I saw a guy struggling so I went to help him out while G got his flip done. Planning ahead we agreed to help each other on the second lap with the flip as I knew that it was going to be a task and a half for the both of us to do it on our own. Up next was the rope climb which is always a favorite of mine. Gloves on as I normally would and hit the bell. Easy. For now at least. The bucket carry was made a bit easier because they changed the rules and covered them so here I began to drift into my thoughts.
Going into this race I had a lot of life happening around me. So much had changed from 3 years prior. Life have had its way with me back then. My parents had both passed away. My work was losing its fulfillment role in my life as I began to do what I loved to do only to collect money. My relationship was pure garbage and I knew it however, I was staying in it to appease my insecurities. Maintaining the lies that I told myself and others. My self integrity was shit along with my self esteem. Physically I was more than capable as I was 34 years old and had several races under my belt. But the mind and the spirit wasn’t there and it cost me. It cost me a lot. It cost me more than I thought it would. On this day I came into the race a new man. My life had taken an entirely different angle. I got my passion back for my work after getting fired from the gym I was working at for over 9 years. My clientele base grew and my existing clients started to see and benefit from an uptick in my work ethic and energy. My classes and level of instruction has shot up exponentially transforming into an actual brand identity leading me to build my first website (superhumansoul.com) My personal development work paid off in a major way in that I decided to really take a stand against my old programmed limiting beliefs and start realizing my self worth. In doing this work it led me to Jen who is not only my fiancée but my best friend, biggest fan, supporter, teacher, and now a fellow Spartan racer. Since being with Jen my social life has taken off which included her family and our friends. People from our lives constantly want to celebrate our relationship knowing where we both have been. So I had something else to rely on now to help get me through. My mind and spirit has long since been renewed.
Back to the course. G and I were moving along walking the inclines jogging a bit on the flats and picking up the pace on the declines and it seemed as if my watch was just racking up the miles as we were going along. We were both thinking about the infamous “death march” and how long it will take us to do it. The whole time I repeated positive things to myself. I kept a great spirit and so did G and there were several times where we expressed our gratitude for staying with each other. When one of us was stronger on certain parts we led the other. When one was feeling a little tired the other encouraged. We both reminded each other why we were there and we checked in with each other often. “Maurice! You good?” “Absolutely bro!” Then the real inclines started. We got after them with strategy and enthusiasm. “I want this! I want this! I am worthy! I’m coming to get it! I’m coming to get it!” I was saying to myself with each step. Since the weather was cloudy and misty with some bouts of showers the clouds were really low and we basically walked straight up into the clouds as we reached the top of some of the steep hills. I was baffled and amused at how the people in front of us seemed to just vanish as they went up and up to the top of the mountain. I guess it was telling that this race was pretty much all business because there was no point where we stopped to take in the views from the top. In fact, we couldn’t see anything anyway so it didn’t really matter. We both kept the “death march” in mind as it was not only the largest incline but it was also the halfway point of the course… well for the beast racers anyway. In my head I thought about the strategy I used the last few times I went up the march and I said that this time wouldn’t be any different. But it was. Prior to the march we descended from a high point making it to the bender in which I was going strong at followed by some trails. We then came out to a clearing where we saw working gondolas. Yup. There was the sign of the fun that awaited us. On the way down there was a silly obstacle called the pipe layer which was just in the way but not difficult. At the very bottom of the hill was a water station that gave us little waffles cookies of maple syrup and even some luxurious port-o-pottys for good measure. That was different for sure. They knew that the climb up was going to be epic AF. I had a few moments where I thought about my knees prior to this and I was wondering how they would hold up. “So far so good!” I thought and off we went to get after it. G reminded me to eat a little something just before hitting the hill and I did it without hesitation. I was not going to get beat by this hill today. I was not going to stop. And here is where the game began to change a bit.
Every step counted. I pushed on sometimes standing up, other times pushing off of my thighs, and other times holding on to my bag straps. My hands that were cold for a moment were actually warm at this point due to my heart rate hitting about 160bpm. I looked up for my checkpoint spots and little flats of reprieve that were about a foot wide just enough so that I could stand upright and take a deep breath before moving on to the top… wherever that was actually… The head games started kicking in.
“Look at those guys. They’re stopping to take a break. Maybe I should break and then gather energy to push forward. It’s a great strategy. Slow down and have some water, wait, you need to breathe to have water which means you have to stop and chill. I need a reprieve. I need a reprieve. I need a…NO!!!!! THIS IS HAPPENING! I’M NOT STOPPING! I WANT THIS! IF IT HURTS I… DON’T…. CARE!!”
That last part began to take it’s spot in my thoughts soon after. It became a chant almost when shit was hitting the fan for me on the course. When I would feel pain and discomfort happening I just simply amped up the statement to the point where I would say it out loud. After about 45 minutes or so we make it to the top where the wind was heavy and some really dedicated spectators were standing around for us. Another port-o-potty and water station at the top of the death march was also up there. (Thanks Spartan race) After a quick pee break we head off towards the box. Being that it was wet and misty and the box was actually made of plastic, my old school trick wasn’t going to work this time. (My running up the wall thing that I would do for the higher obstacles) I had to play smart and follow what I saw some doing which was make a loop in the rope so that I could get my foot into it and reach up and grab hold of the top bar. Made it happen. Now it was time to go back down and we reached that fork in the road that separated the beasts from the ultras. The first time I did the ultra there was no such thing. This time it was totally different in so many ways. I was actually excited to see what was there.
I often allowed my curiosity to take over my mind during the Spartan races so I don’t really look at the maps too much. I learned that whatever is going to be is whatever its going to be and we just have to deal with that. (i.e. the death march, cold water obstacles, and 400lbs tires.) On this descent my knees began to talk to me again reminding me of my 3-year hiatus where I couldn’t walk without pain or even bend my left knee for about half of it. I flash back for a moment in my mind while moving in the physical realm.
The pain in my left knee that lasted for about a year and a half.
My original right hip that seemed to be out of whack since forever.
My hernia that I had closed up but still feel from time to time. The slight burning sensation of the scar tissue from the procedure stretching out as I’m moving about.
I made a decision at this point to really not give a shit about any of those things. It was time for my secret weapon to be used in a time such as this. In my race prep this time around, I took an approach that I failed to use the first time which was meditation. By this time, I’ve been in yoga for over a year at least once to twice a week and even threw in some sessions with Jen at home. I began to activate a meditative state in which I would push the limits of my discomfort the furthest I have ever pushed them. It was then that I truly decided that I didn’t care about the side of myself that was looking for the easy way or keeping me “safe” I tapped myself on the knee and said, “Nope! Not this time! I don’t care!” And I truly did not. Channeling my inner David Goggins, I resolved to pushing forward no matter the cost. If I were going to quit it would be due to an injury that occurred that slowed me down from making the cutoffs or I simply just blacked out or… I died. Yes. I totally meant that. Once this resolution was in place my pains levels decreased for the time being and I was back getting after it.
The ultra loop had a few surprises. One was a really out of place lattice wall with a couch and no one there to take pics. (Obviously a mind trick) A sandbag carry that likened to be almost a half mile long with a steep incline like the death march, and one of my faves, the sled drag. Upon approach to the sandbag carry (number 1) I ran into a friend and fellow ultra runner Emily Angell. She was running Age Group competitive. I was cheering her on for the brief moment that I saw her coming off of the sandbags. I looked at G and was like “It looks like we are making good time! My friend I just saw started at like 6-6:15am and we’re close behind her.” Well, kind of. She disappeared after the sandbags and we didn’t see her until well into the second lap. I began to talk shit to the hill in my mind as I knew we were getting ever so close to the transition area. So I thought. As we got done with the sandbags we came up on the sled drag. I noticed a young guy sitting down with his leg straightened and a staff person next to him. I’m always up for giving encouragement and offering a helping hand whenever I can during the races so I go check in. “What’s happening bro? You good?” He replies to me “I cut open my knee pretty bad. I think I’m going into shock. I can’t finish. I’m not gonna make it like this.” He put his head in his arms as tears started to come down his face. I gave him a consolation shoulder tap and told him that its ok. This was speaking from experience. I felt for the guy but now was no time to get caught up as there was still more to do. A lot more. The sled pull was easy of course and then I waited for G to come up and get some on the sled. And off we went back into the wooded trails with thick mud this time around which almost swallowed my shoes. I began thinking about my fresh trail shoes and my other sandwiches in my drop bin and how sweet its going to be to get to them soon… But soon was taking quite a bit of time. We finally clear the woods and then we were joined by the beast racers again as we got up to the beater. I saw this obstacle for the first time in Palmerton and I nailed it. I was getting after it pretty well when right at the end I lost the grip. Slightly… ok pretty frustrated I go off and hit some burpees doing them in sets of 5’s. Yes. Sets of fives because after the festivities of the ultra loop I was pretty shot. It was time to eat something because I felt myself fading. Luckily, food access was not even a remote problem. We find our way to a new and improved version of the stairway to Sparta. It was a monster complete with rock climbing grips and a higher wall to start from. G practiced bouldering so he was able to get his 155+lbs frame up and over without much issue. Me? It was not so easy. The rain had stopped once we reached the top but there was still mist and pretty heavy wind. I went at the wall the first time and tried to use my arms and hands. Nope. I had to go dark for this. I removed my camelbak and muscled my way up to the first wooden plank pulling my 200+lbs self up by my hands and arms. “NOT THIS TIME!!” I shouted. We get over the wall in this wind tunnel of mist and cold air and the reprieve I was seeking was well deserved. Next up was the tyrolean traverse. Usually a fan favorite of mine… but not today. My grip was totally spent on the last obstacle and my legs were shot from the hill climbs and the descents. Had to get it done though. I almost fell off as I wasn’t able to use my usual technique because of these newer socks I picked up for this race. They sucked but whatever. So I used my arms and legs to get across the rope hoping that I didn’t cramp up for any reason as my legs were gearing up for a mean one but, they held it through.
We had a good distance to cover before started to hear the festival area which indicated our half way point was near. However, another monster of a hill awaited us just around the corner. “Alright. Let’s go.” I said as we hit a baby death march complete with people fading into the mist. No need for details here as we traverse up and then back down to the next sandbag carry (for the ultras. We had a VIP ass whuppin waiting for us on this day that we signed up for.) At this point we were legit over 15 miles into the race and now I’m starting to feel the effects. I nailed the spear throw. Handled the Hercules hoist like a basic SOP, and then as I was going to handle the rig… I slip off right before the end of it. My forearms are shot to hell at this point and the time was almost 2pm. I hit some burpees and went into the transition area where G came up and found me asking the time. “1:58 bro.” He said “Ok! We have to leave by 2:03 the latest.” I replied, “2:03?! Man can I get to like 2:05 or something” So I made the executive decision to not change my shoes out for my newer more comfortable pair and fresh socks. My feet were hurting a bit but I was willing to deal. I simply took my pants from earlier and threw them in the bin, snatched my second food bag leaving my spare water bladder and off we went for for round two…
The goal was to get to the top of the death march before 7 to allow us time to make the rest of the cutoffs. It was go time. We made great time earlier in the race from the start point so we kept the strategy of walking the inclines and running the declines and flats. However, my legs and body began to have other plans. I found myself gassing out on the inclines unlike the first round. I was sucking wind and my legs began to swell and feel like they belonged to someone else entirely. Running down the hills became more painful as I started to develop some blisters and my toenail on my big right toe had that “ejection is imminent” feel. My back began to hurt going up the inclines indicating that I probably had too much weight on my back for this distance so I started to drink more water just to lose the weight in the bag. At least I was well hydrated though. I started to think about when I should take the remainder of this advil that I brought with me. I wanted to pair it with caffeine from some shot blocks but I realized pretty quickly that that ship has sailed a long time ago. Ate them already. Shit. There goes that idea. I had 4 advil left and I knew that I would need them later on at some point after the death march so I abandoned the idea and went into using my mind. I went into a place where the dark side and the light came together as a unit and just began envisioning the finish.
I flashed back to the anti-climactic end of my first attempt at the ultra and my life at that time for a brief moment.
It sucked. A great majority of it had sucked. My family was broken due to the shock of losing both parents. My relationship was, for lack of better words, a vegetable. I was out on the mountain for all the wrong reasons. And then I came back to the present moment.
“Nope! Not. This. Time!” I dug in as at this point G became the point man for us checking in with the time and setting the pace. The mountain was getting me on the ropes. I’m climbing up with my hands on my knees and taking small drunken-like steps. My breathing is extra heavy and my legs are just absolutely numb at this point. I smack them in a negotiation attempt at one point to get them to move. “Let’s go Maurice! You got this!” G said in encouragement. I’m looking up the hill to find him maybe about 20 yards ahead. As long as I see him then I’m good. Getting to the declines were supposed to be a treat but this time around it was just as rough as going up especially on my quads and toes. I made a decision to stick to the downhill runs no matter what so, yup, down the hill we go to pick up speed. The odd part was that at the bottom of every hill we both were stopping to pee… and so were everyone else. That gave me a short lived laugh and we kept at it. With daylight still with us we find our way along the course. I then remembered the dunk wall and rolling mud will help with a bit of swelling and pain because of the shock of cold. The good news was that the gift of the rolling mud and dunk wall for round two was coming up next and I once again did not hesitate. It was heavenly for my legs at this point and then my whole body as I went under the dunk wall with almost all of my layers on. The slip wall was easy during the first lap but this time not so much. Luckily the second time I got it and held on for dear life. My forearm death was closing in fast yet I had no clue it was happening until later on during the race. After a good trip in the woods we come out to a short clearing that led to the Z walls. I was able to do it much better surprisingly. Shortly after that we came up on the lake and decide to pass it by for timing reasons and head on to the cargo net and then the tire flip. G and I do it together for 4 flips to save time and energy expenditure. Rope climb round 2. Let’s get the gloves out and… nope. I’m going raw hands this time because we have to move. I get after it on the rope climb not realizing how much this was going to kill my gripping. I reach the top… almost and start to lose it. “Oh hell no! Not today!” I went for a move I’ve never done but have seen executed over the years of racing. I swung up and kicked the bell. I came down slow at first and then I dropped down from halfway up. My forearms were officially done with me from that one. I felt the familiar locking of my hands after that and that was a sure sign that my arms have had it with me and my shenanigans. Just finish the race was the primary objective.
My struggles ensued with each climbing obstacle after the bucket carry. Inverted wall. 7ft wall. Olympus. Ha! Penalty lap up the hill. My shoes didn’t grip it the first time and they were worse off on the second try due to the muddy adventures they’ve been through during the ultra loop. The twister also one of my favorites, was a hard no for the second lap for sure. I couldn’t hold my body weight up for shit. No time for ego and whining here. Gotta keep moving. At least I could still carry heavy objects… barely. At this point I’m moving on auto pilot as we run down a descent towards the bender. It looks like we’re making great time now so we didn’t want to leave anything to chance. I jump to grab the first bar thinking I recovered my grip. I go to climb up this routine obstacle and… I fall down. I’ve raced in Spartans and OCR’s for 5 years with 35 races under my belt and I never fell off of an obstacle without an intention. EVER! I’ve dropped from the high walls in order to roll out and some other stunts so this one shocked the hell out of me. I looked up and said, “What the hell is going on here?!” G checked in with me as I picked myself up. No time to dwell on the past we gotta get to the death march for round two. We knew it was coming and for some very strange reason I started to get a bit of a happy feeling. I guess I felt that because the last time I raced the ultra I only had the chance to do it once. This was the signal that triumph was soon to come for me. We arrive at the base of the death march with more than enough time before the cutoff. In my mind I start to see the finish line. I see the fire jump. The joy on Jen’s face saying, “You did it babe!” I see her beast medal around her neck. And most importantly, I see redemption manifesting itself. “Let’s get after it!” Was my thought. I had consumed my last bit of advil prior to the march so I knew that I would be a bit better off. G had taken his as well so we had enough to make that last push we needed to get to the next cutoff point. The march was relentless. G was able to push ahead quite a bit while I hung back addressing the battle going on in my mind.
I want to stop.
Maybe this is too much.
It’s ok if I stop and sit down. Look! Everyone else is doing it.
My back is killing me and I can’t breathe.
When is this gonna end?
Shit. Looked up too soon.
Is there a place I can stand up at least?
I should just…
And then the other side speaks
Small steps. Small steps.
G is right there I won’t let him go on without me. Absolutely not!
This pain is only temporary and I can still move. Remember your meditations. Push beyond the point of comfort.
I am worthy! I am worthy of finishing this race! I am worthy of that buckle!
What did we come here for?
It’s not over until I win!
Don’t look back. Don’t look too far ahead. Look forward.
I will die or I will finish but I. Will. Not. Ever. Quit!
The running song from Creed 2. (Desert Training Montage Creed 2)
And a song from Avengers Endgame called portals.
As we get to the top I am crawling at this point as G is up ahead by about a minute or 2 at the water station. I grab a cup and down it quickly. We still had more time to secure the second cutoff. We stop for a short break and just as it was earlier the wind is heavy up top. We had one more place to make it before the cutoff time. The beater. About a mile away down a descent that was gradual at first and then got tricky at some points. The good news was that we had passed the spot where the ultra loop was earlier during the race. “Oh we are doing this bro!” I said as I found some crazy leftover energy to run this one mile downhill. My feet at this point were done. I knew swelling and post race pain were guaranteed but I didn’t care. Not even a little bit. We make it to the beater and we were informed that we made the final cutoff with time to spare! One of the race officials said that we could walk at a fast pace and still make it. G and I were not about to chance that so we got after it some more through the woods. Headlamps on now. 3 years ago this was the sign of the end of the line. This time it was the sign of the home stretch. We make it to the stairway to Sparta. Shit. Negative. And then the tyrolean traverse for round two and I’m beyond gassed out. I can’t even fathom grabbing the rope and staying on it so I opt out and grab water while G goes for it. Its dark and there’s not much we could see besides the second to last water station. We head through it and take off into the woods for the last stretch as I get the call that Jen has now finished the race. I get a 3rd wind as we go for broke through the woods passing people left and right while swinging from trees and sliding on the ground. We hear the festival area coming up and then we see the clearing right before the final steep incline around the corner. G and I look at each other and we silently agreed that it sucks but we’re too close to quit now. We push up the hill. I crawl and walk low. I’m breathing heavily but I don’t stop moving at all. Not a chance at this point. (It’s not over until I win!) G is ahead of me waiting at the top as I crawl up and pass him. It’s totally nightfall at this point and we could only see the bobbing of various headlamps as we press on to the new vertical net climb complete with the platform we have to get up and on. (Yup. had to deal with this one twice too. We get by that one and now the festival area is getting louder and louder. My watch actually dies at this point but it’s no longer a factor as we head over to the sandbag carry that they decided to shut down. I radioed in to Jen that we were coming in soon. Her excitement from when I told her that we made the cutoffs was just the fuel I needed to keep pushing forward. In the last part of the sandbag hill I looked at G and said, “Bro! we’re gonna do it! Let’s go get what we came here for!” The last 3 obstacles were the spear throw, Herc hoist, and the rig. As we picked up the pace to get towards those last 3 obstacles my thoughts rolled in.
It’s happening. It’s f---ing happening! All my life I had these instances where I gave just enough and I stopped short when I felt that it was getting difficult or when I thought I was at the end. Only a few times I pulled through when my back was totally against the wall. This is my life now! Today I’m getting redemption! I see the reward from my efforts in pushing my mental limits and owning my shit. It feels so good to keep my word no matter what. The pain is glorious… The steps I take tomorrow are gonna feel so good! No regrets. No disappointment. No criticism only elation and celebration. My girl is the truth! I can’t wait to see her medal and hear her stories. This is some real epic shit man! I. AM. WORTHY!!!
Spear throw. Nailed it. Herc hoist. Did it with ease because now I got one last burst of energy so my grip came back… Multi rig. Rings, not a problem. Bar, Ok I got this! Ropes… I grab hold of the first rope and swing to the second rope. Suddenly I stop and I start to rotate like an upright rotisserie chicken. The last rope is behind me and I can’t reach it. My hands give out as the last bit of my grip strength is done. However, I don’t care. I come off and hug G as we approach the fire jump. We see Jen and his fiancée Sarah next to each other. “You know we gotta do this together right?” I say to G. He nods in agreement as we fist pound and take off to the fire jump and the finish line. I run over… well waddle over to Jen as she hugs me and kisses my dirty face while she has her beast medal on. I call G over and introduce him to her. At the same time, he introduces me to his fiancée Sarah who was standing next to Jen at the fire jump. After Jen shoves a turkey burger (in my delirium I thought it was chicken) in my face I said, “Wow! Just like we said it might be!” They didn’t know each other but yet they shared a great thing in common. Both of their guys were officially Spartan ultra finishers. “Thank you G. I don’t think I would’ve made it without you bro.” “I’m grateful to have ran this race with you.” G said in return. After getting our finisher shirts I scream out in celebration. At this point, my feet were done. My legs were just there and I didn’t even want to get out of my race clothes. I look at Jen and I fill up with gratitude that I have not just a girl but a partner, a soldier, a leader, a friend. She was more concerned about me than celebrating her own victory. She fed me and guided me around the festival area to where the ultra medals were for us. I got mine and sat down on some soft surface. I stared at the medal. This simple belt buckle cost me in retrospect a bunch of money, time off from work, and a shit ton of pain that will last for over a week. It also was something I wanted for 3 years. It cost me over 14 hours of traversing the toughest Spartan terrain in the northeast. A price that I was willing to pay. If I can run and complete a Killington Spartan ultra, I can do anything I want to do. I ran into our friend Emily as Jen and I walked over to a nearby spectator tent and I sat down in a folding chair totally done and spent. I was happy that she had finished and it turned out she had won first place in her age group. As she went to get her medal we watched her stuff and Jen continued to feed me. I’m sitting there taking it all in. The fact that I am on the finishing side of this one is the prevailing thought in my mind. I finally gather enough energy to go and remove my trail shoes and to my surprise my toes had torn through my socks. That explained a lot about my foot pain but no worries. Not on this day. Not now. It was also dawning on me that a lot of what I wanted in life was coming to pass. I wanted adventure. I wanted to be in line with my purpose in life. I wanted to be stronger by the way of the full trinity of mind, body, and spirit. I wanted to live out my dreams and do the work needed to manifest them. I also asked to be in a healthy relationship and it not only came with a great woman who adores me but one who also steps up to plate and takes on challenges herself. It also dawned on me that we we’re walking away from the mountain with our medals and our first couples trifecta. It also occurred to me that I am setting up to marry the toughest woman I’ve had the honor of being with and of course it was a determining factor in me finishing the race. This race was the absolute epitome of one having to work and dig deep for your dreams as it made sure that it wouldn’t come easy at all. Didn’t want it any other way. As we walk back to the car it was almost as if the scene was the closing of a book.
The music was starting to fade and the final announcements were made. The fire jump was extinguished releasing a cloud of white smoke up into the air. I never saw them do that before. The wind was blowing but not as hard as earlier. I look back at the course as we were walking out and I see the clouds move to reveal the moon. Looking around at the fellow ultra finishers I felt pride in wearing my medal. “I am one of you now.” I thought to myself. “I am also engaged to a beast! This is beyond cool!” We decided to go for pizza of course and as we sat down I put my swollen legs up on the seat. A couple of racers were there and we were talking about the course and our experiences. One lady grabbed my slices for me as walking was really difficult. Prior to getting the pizza we did a live Facebook video talking about our finish of the race (more so to let our family and friends know that we were alive). We get back to the airbnb that we rented walking slow and gingerly, every step painful and absolutely savory. We enjoy that sweet sound of the medals clanging against the little wedge magnet that it comes with. The slight little incline to the two stairs outside of the house was pretty much the last obstacle that we had to face. And we did them together. Once inside, we took out the trifecta plates and set up a champion’s corner in the house where we placed our trifectas and medals. I stand there for a moment and I think to myself, What a day. What. A. Day. Redemption is sweet. Oh so sweet!
The lessons from this one is as follows:
Go into challenges boldly. From the start of the race I was hyped up and ready to get to it. It set my energy up for the really tough parts that were up ahead. I also signed up about a year in advance so that I had the time to get ready and do all I needed to do to get back at it and finish what I started.
Stretch. I stretched physically by way of actually stretching. I developed a yoga practice courtesy of Jen. I stretched mentally by way of feeding my mind the right information on a daily basis. I only listened to things that inspired me and I took action. I challenged everything I once believed and I wrote things down to create a vision. If it was on a list somewhere it was getting done. I went back into my meditation practice and it helped me to stretch beyond where I felt comfortable at. In turn, I was able to push beyond the pain that I felt leading to the next thing…
Do what you don’t want to do. We are all guilty of going to the path of least resistance. However, during the race we only had a few small opportunities to do that for safety reasons but for the most part we had to ETS-Embrace The Suck. There will be hills in life and some of them go a long way up and are slippery on the way down. You may want to stop and rest but in doing so you may miss out on some great opportunities so simply keep on going. One small step at a time.
Keep the right people around you. Create a solid circle. This is one of the biggest lessons for me because I have the first go at this to compare to. When I started the ultra 3 years ago I went in totally alone. I wasn’t alone by way of people being around but I was alone by way of true support. Since then I’ve aligned my life in such a way that I have the right people around me i.e. Jen. Because of all of the things I’ve done in my development, I went into this race with someone who fully supported me and inspired me by stepping into an unknown world to challenge herself. It did wonders for me on the course and it does the same in everyday life. Doing all of the things you need to do in order to build yourself will lead you to the right people in the end, because you are lining up with the divine order of your life. This also led me to finding my race partner G because my energy was intense but friendly and inviting.
This last one is a result of all of my personal development. All that happens in your life is part of the ultimate human experience called, living. The great things that indicates joy, the hardships and challenges you face, the loss of loved ones, the ending of relationships and friendships are all part of the greatest adventure in the known universe. Life. So armed with this knowledge when the voices of doubt kicked in I decided to go the other way. I asked, “What if I pull this off? What is it going to be like to get this done? Imagine if I make it through? What awaits me on the other side. Prior to this race in the time in between my life has changed so much because I applied this lesson. I allowed myself a short time to mourn the losses and a short time to acknowledge the victories because I want to live in full and in the present. There are times when I replay the memory movies and look at them in comparison to the present day happenings but I decided not to take too much time to rest on those things. Every day is an adventure and if that adventure brings rain, mist, mud and mountains and 72 hours of character building soreness, be up for the challenge.
Last time it told me no. This time… It had no choice but to move out of the way and let me through! This one is mine!
Ok. Ok. Final point I promise.
I made the decision to do my make up burpees in a video that I would post on social media. I promised G that I would do it… So I did. It took a half hour but Jen and I went after it. Over 100 for her and 240 for me.(She decided to join me as it was part of our Monday morning workout). The mountain prompted me to tap into a higher level of toughness that I’ve had in the past. Combining that with my life as it is today is what will construct the foundation for the bigger plan of our lives. Our future. Our wedding. Our family. Our purpose in this world…. My shoulders are sore as hell…. Good!