By Maurice Johnson
Lessons from the mountain… Part 1
It told me…. No.
On Saturday September 17, 2016 in Killington, Vermont, I entered one of the most epic Spartan Races I have ever done since I began my Spartan journey two years prior. I’ve been to Killington before back in 2015 where the course was challenging terrain wise but the obstacles were not as challenging. However, I managed to fall asleep at the end of that race on the course because I put in so much work and expended a crazy amount of energy. I also finished that race with a somewhat injured foot. Somehow a rock penetrated my shoe while I didn’t have insoles in them because the ones that came with the shoes were no good once they got submerged in water. I had the great pleasure of not being able to put pressure on a certain point in my foot for a few weeks. Despite the pain I was able to finish the race in 6 hours and 22 minutes and it was still daylight. The goal was to finish before it got dark and it was accomplished. I skipped water stations and just relied on my own hydration pack to get me through it all and it worked. It worked for this race and the other races shorter and equal distance but this trip to Killington proved to be much different and required way more than I was ever used to.
At 6:43am the morning of the Spartan Ultra Beast I jumped out of my then fiancée’s Dodge Nitro and told her that I’ll see her on the other side. Basically, I felt like I was parachuting into hell and as far as Spartan race courses go, it truly was hell. As I approached the starting area so many thoughts crossed my mind. I thought about my mom and dad who passed away within 9 months of each other with my mom passing a few months prior to race day. I remembered that I kept their prayer cards in my bag along with my trifecta bracelets in which they were both buried with. I never ran a single race with these items on my person but this time it was different. I also thought about how did I get myself into this craziness and I asked myself, was I in over my head. I looked around and saw maybe one person I knew from a previous race and then came to realize that I had no one familiar with me, (as I chose to not ask anyone to accompany me). All I had was a waterproof walkie talkie and hopes that the range would work from the mountain to the house. Of course it didn’t work so I had no contact to the outside world until probably 8:30am. (That’s a rough estimate) I also had a brand new Garmin Forerunner 25 GPS watch that was set for 30 miles and I said to myself how I only traveled at max 15 miles on foot…. Ever. And all of my race gear which is standard for me only this time I had more of it. The mentioning of the watch will be explained later.
After standing around and debating whether or not to use the bathroom for a time period of 5-10 minutes we hop into the starting corral where we are briefed by one of the nut jobs who was responsible for this glorious monstrosity of a course. Something that I never had to hear prior to the start of a race. The race director mentioned 3 checkpoints, the transition area, the lake, and the rope climb. 2pm, for the transition area, 6pm for the lake and 6 pm for the rope climb. (Later we found out that they extended the times by a half hour because of the delayed start times for the heats) After the prelim announcements and rules the MC gets on the mic to get us pumped up. For me it didn’t really work because one of my favorite guys no longer works with Spartan and this guy didn’t really do the trick. I was still all in my head and thoughts were still very present. However off I went when he said GOOOOOO!!!! Those first steps were the start of a warm up jog and the beginning of something that I would never forget.
The start of the race was very simple with hay bales and the log hurdles then simple trail running. Confusion set in early when almost my whole wave missed the arrows and started going towards the lake first. I had stopped in confusion and mentioned to someone that we may be heading in the wrong direction. Then one person yelled out, “Hey Spartans! You’re going the wrong way!” It was my first laugh before the first long ass hill climb we had. I then started to think strategy in this moment. So I paced myself a bit slower because I knew if I went faster than what I was doing in the moment I would burn myself out. Well, mainly my legs. It also didn’t help that my right hip was a major concern for me. So for an unknown period of time we were on this hill. It could’ve been 15 minutes or less or more I had no clue but then the top came in sight and there was a wall there. Walls are nothing for me usually but this one was different as the hill climb took my legs out a bit. Ok a lot, but I made it over and continued to walk the flat ground. At this point I did my usual race routine of finding a “rabbit” and there were so many to choose from so I picked about 4-5 of them and as we went on if I saw any or all of them I knew I was doing ok…. Or so I thought.
Once the crazy negative self-talk started to dwindle down for a bit I began to think strategy. It was about 8am and my watch had me at about 3-4 miles in. I figured that in order to make this work I’ll have to do it much different than any of the other races which means eat and drink before I felt the need or desire to do so. I also had to monitor how hard I went as to not exert way more energy than I needed to for the first lap. I had to also figure out when to have my shot blocks and when to radio in to the rest of the team. The obstacles were not that challenging as they were just things in the way however the hercules hoist was pretty damn heavy this time around. The terrain in general was the major factor in the attempt to break us down which for me made everything else seem more difficult than it would usually be. During any other race I have done I would have sprinted to the obstacle in front of me with absolute joy. This time it was different. I walked up to them and did them really carefully. Even the bucket carry I toned it down way differently than when I did the Palmerton super. In that race I blasted through the carries but this one was different. My head wasn’t in that space so I put the bucket down every 15-30 seconds and rested for 15 second counts before I went again. At this point I was in a state of worry which is not good for anyone doing this type of race to be in. I kept worrying about being a disappointment and worrying about the swim obstacle because of the hole in my hydration pack and the special cargo I was carrying. It kept me from doing things the way I normally would plus I was so concerned with strategy so I didn’t want to burn myself out.
The one thing I was doing well was eating on time. I was properly fueled for this race because I wasn’t truly hungry until the middle of the second lap. After heading down hill finally and hitting the Z walls I came to the swim where I burned some time making a choice. I took the 90 burpee penalty and then went around. 30 at the start, 30 mid ways through and 30 at the end before having to get in the water anyway. I made the decision to not go for the swim which haunted me even until now. I waded in 4-foot water stumbling on rocks and tree branches along the way until I got out. The water of course was cold but it actually helped to somehow compress my hip and help with other little aches I had. As I stepped out of the water on the other side my thoughts started to change. I said to myself, “Ok I’m here and the water part is done. There’s no time to let these silly and false thoughts cross my mind. I’m tough enough to do this shit! I can do this! I will do this! I will do like I always do and move forward no matter what happens! I know what I’m here for and I have to go for it! Play time is now over.” At this point I took off my top layer of clothing and revealed my “business suit.” My 2XU running tights and my Captain America under armor compression shirt. I put my extra heavy and wet top layer in a shopping bag, found a place for it in my hydration pack somehow, strapped up and went at it again.
I checked for my Advil as a precautionary measure and the pills I had disintegrated in the Ziploc baggie I had. At that point I had turned on the survival mode. What ever pain I was once feeling had left me. It was the moment I was waiting for the whole time. All my life when I was faced with something difficult I had the initial fear response or the tendency to step cowardly into the storm. However, after a little while something else takes its place within me and then all things resembling fear leaves me. I then stand ready to give all I have even if it ends up killing me. I signed up for the Ultra Beast for this reason among other reasons but this is one of the major reasons. I wanted to stretch myself as far as I could to find where I was going to break. I wanted to see if when faced with odds stacked against me would I give up or would I press forward. I wanted to face and deal with the unknown. I wanted to be totally fearless. At this point of the race it is exactly what took place. I began taking it to some of the other racers who were ahead of me by quite a bit and passing some of them. I aimed for someone who was within reach of me and I gunned for them until I passed them and I never looked back. The hills were steep on the way up and down. The paths were rocky and very treacherous but these things meant nothing to me. At this point I was not going to let up at all. Then came the dunk wall.
The dunk wall is not one of my favorite things to do during the Spartan race. Mainly because I have to go under water and I refuse to swallow that dirty ass water. I would usually hesitate on it but this time I did not. The water was cold because well, it was Vermont and the temperature outside the night before had dropped to the low-mid 40’s. I put my bag and belt to the side and hit that dunk wall without hesitation grabbed my stuff and headed up the hill to another wall. At this point being wet didn’t bother me anymore. In fact, it was helpful for one of my favorite obstacles the Tyrolean traverse. At this point I was looking to how far away I was from the transition area. At the same time the cutoff time for the transition area popped into my head so I started listening for the signs of the festival area. After heading up into the woods and then up the mountain I came out to a summit where I almost caused a rockslide. I met a guy who said to me that his thoughts were killing him because he couldn’t shake them. I told him to ignore them and keep stepping forward. We were around each other for a good while and then at some point I lost him. His body language revealed that tumultuous, internal struggle. That one where it’s you against you and the you that you wants to win is clearly not stepping up. People around me were wearing down quite a bit as we got down to the sandbag carry. Here I did something unusual. I carried two sandbags giving into the talk of one of the area refs. I never do that and I was asking myself why did I do that? It almost wiped me out for the rope climb in which I just made it because I started to slide back down then I yelled to myself, “Oh no you don’t! Get your ass up that rope!” I made it and then the real pain came next.
Last year Killington must have put me to sleep with this one because at the end of the race I nodded off. The death march hill is something legendary in probably not a good way. Last year it was at this point where I lost my team and went for it all. I took the hill, so I thought and was going in from there. It took a half hour or so to travel 2 miles up this thing! That was last year. This time around they put it towards the end during the last 4 miles of the course. While going up this behemoth of a hill, (I estimate the incline to range between 30-50% grade) I saw people dropping off, sitting down, walking like zombies (myself included) and I even saw someone straight sleeping! At this point my legs were on auto pilot so I moved forward no matter how short or long my steps were they were forward moving. Once I got to the top of the hill there were people who clearly took the gondola up there cheering for us. One guy said to me, “hey man! You’re almost done!” He was smiling enthusiastically and then I showed him my wrist band and said, “Bro, this is just round one. I’m doing this twice.” His face changed to a near horrified look. It actually made me laugh a bit before heading down the hill to the spear throw and the other things in the way like the log carry which by the way happened to be more difficult due to the fact that I just did that death march. The last few obstacles were easy for me before going into the transition area at about 1:55pm. My team was out on the course when I informed them that I finished my first lap. As I was going in, the area had a bunch of people around. The festival area was there also. In the transition area itself there were maybe up to 50 or more people and I wasn’t sure who finished and who didn’t but I did not see a lot of medals. In fact, I don’t think I saw any and a lot of those people were not moving to go back out. While I sat down for quick break I ate nearly all of my turkey sandwiches, popped 3 more Advil, had almost a whole package of shot blocks (I didn’t consume any caffeine during the first lap), and downed a bottle and a half of water. While I was in the transition area I met a guy named Scott who was attempting the Ultra Beast that day and then planning on going for the beast the next day. That idea was thwarted once his race partner rolled his ankle really bad. I also saw two guys next to me who were about to go back out. One of them was lying down holding his head. I asked was he ok and he informed me that he was having a heat stroke as his head was killing him. However, between his friend and myself giving him some encouragement to go back out he took a salt pill and went at it. Shortly afterwards as I was tightening up my second pair of Salomon Speedcross 3’s I noticed a woman who I saw out on the course crying. She thought she had missed the cutoff time because a volunteer made a mistake and didn’t realize that we had until 2:30 to be in the transition area. When they realized the mistake they came over to her and said that they can get her time chip back to her and she could go back out. She was so upset about it and then got even more frustrated when they told her that they were wrong that it took the rest of the juice out of her to go on. I even offered her to come with me but she refused. I felt terrible for her so I sat around for a bit with her before I gave her a hug and went off.
As I went off I noticed that it was strangely quiet for a Spartan race. As I went out I saw a guy who ran into the woods just turn around and came back out. I asked was he ok he said, “Yeah. Umm I’m not doing this bro. I’m done.” I said, “Really?!” He explained that there’s no way that he’s going to make it back in 6 hours. At this point I really got motivated so I started going at it harder. I was actually passed by a regular beast racer who was the second person I saw since I started the second lap. I finally caught up to a guy who was clearly from the south. I decided to stay with him as he was making an attempt to finish the race. I figured that I could create a buddy system with someone who was doing what I was doing and perhaps feeling like I felt in those moments. However, much to my partial dismay he was suffering from the same crap I dealt with during my first round at this. He said to me, “I don’t know how we gon make this. I don’t see how we gon make this man.” I said to him, “The only thing we can do is push forward bro.” As I said those words to him going up that hill I saw a couple just turn and walk back down the hill. I wanted to yell out, “Hey! The course is this way!” however that would have been inappropriate. So I stuck with my buddy for as long as I could. I saw that his thoughts were starting to get the best of him so I ended up having to say goodbye to him as I targeted some new people on the way up. I told myself that I could not have any source of negative self-talk around me so I had to move. I looked back and saw the guy behind me… Way behind me at the bottom of one of the hills and that was the last time I saw him. At this point I decided that I needed to pick it up faster so that I could make some head way. Around this time, I heard my walkie talkie go off and my ex fiancée came on which meant that she was in the festival area so I had to pick it up even more so. It was then I started to see more people as I was picking up speed and catching up to the people who went out ahead of me. I was wondering where all the UB racers were but all of a sudden I was passing them one by one including the regular beast racers. I even caught up to the two guys who were near me in the transition area and the guy who was having the heat stroke was going in at the top of his game! It was great to see that he was good to go so these two guys became my rabbits. We met at the water station prior to the hercules hoist which on the second lap seemed to have gotten heavier for some odd reason. After I completed it I went back on the radio and told everyone that I was going silent for about an hour so that I could focus on moving faster.
We had quite the back and forth battle with us. For a while I took the lead and then they took it back. I then took it again from one of them while the guy with the heat stroke was ahead of us both. I made him my target and I got to him at the bucket carry. I also met a guy named Wayne who was friends with two of the girls from my team. He ended up having breakfast with us the next day. For some reason though I think he knew me first Thanks to Facebook. After the bucket carry I left the two guys who were my rabbits and this new guy became my silent partner in suffering. As we got to the lake for the second time I had to make another judgement call on the swim. I was cursing myself for not doing it the first time because now time was a factor. I checked my watch and it was a few minutes past 5pm. I also noticed that the battery life on the watch was dangerously low. So I started my burpees for the second time because I wasn’t sure enough for the swim. Just then my original “rabbits” came through and hit the water. We timed each other perfectly as I was coming to the last area to do my burpees and they came up. They had missed the bell and had to burpee it out as well. After I finished mine I went out to the wading water again but this time I stayed more near the shoreline so that I wouldn’t be as wet but it didn’t work. I ended up back in the water again and then shortly afterwards came the second dunk wall. At this point I lost my “rabbits” and ended up with my silent partner going into the Tyrolean traverse and then the second barbed wire. We had run into some nice people who were running the beast and they had taken my hydration pack up to the end of the barbed wire which saved me time and energy since I banged my knee on a rock going into the barbed wire. By this time my watch had died out so I was using the sunlight as a guide. However, as I was going along I began to notice there were clouds rolling in and my perspective on the time had went out of the window. Because of this I ended up leaving my silent partner as well to pick up the pace even more and I decided that I wasn’t looking back for anything or anyone. I pushed forward on the down hills despite the lingering pain from hitting the rock earlier and I found myself gutting out the hidden death marches in the woods passing people at probably 1-2 miles an hour because so many people were moving extra slow. As I continued on I started to hear crowd noise however, it started getting darker to where I could barely see the ground but I resisted the use of my headlamp for some reason. I was running through the woods and then all of a sudden I came up on a bunch of people moving pretty slow in front of me. I kind of scared them as I came up so fast and what seemed to be out of nowhere because who in their right mind could possibly even run at this point in the race with other obstacles to go and that 2-mile death march coming up again soon?
I remember coming out to the sled pull and seeing people with their headlamps on. At this point I accepted the fact that I will be in the dark on this one so I put my headlamp on as well. I bought it last year for Killington and was planning to take it back since I didn’t use it. Turns out that it was $20 well spent as it was 160 lumens and I was again able to haul ass through the trails dodging people, rocks, roots and all. Finally, I come out of the woods like I was shot out of a cannon and made my way to the sandbag carry. The obstacle was near empty and I was just about to grab my bag for round two when something said to ask for the time. “Hey bro, what time is it?” It was dark and I knew the answer wasn’t going to be good. “7:13.” I then asked, “When is the cutoff for the rope climb” The ref replied, “It was 6:30” Naturally I paused and then said, “F--k!! I can still go! I know I can be done before 9!” The ref was really cool about it and said, “I have no doubt that you could make it. Its just that if they let you go then they have to let everyone behind you go. I’m sorry man.” I then delivered the news to everyone over the radio. It was dark and cold and shortly afterwards it started to rain a little. However, I didn’t really feel cold. I felt ready to continue the fight. It was like someone threw in the towel and I knew that I was about to have the other guy beat in just a few short moments. I walked over to the rope climb to have my chip cut and the people there were apologetic. Among those standing there was the infamous race director/course designer Norman Koch. I’ve only heard of him and my team has met him before me. As I had my chip cut off. I said to him, “Not bad Norm.” He replied, “Yeah my legs are still hurting from walking around on this mountain.” I then said, “I’m sure of it!” Then my eyes got intense and my posture stood upright a bit more as I pointed and said, “Great job…. I’ll see you soon”.
I found my ex shortly afterwards on the other side of the railings to the fire jump and festival area. She asked what happened and I told her that I lost track of time. “You should’ve radioed in for time checks” I knew she was right but for some reason I couldn’t be angry or defensive or anything of the sort really. I looked at the people on the last parts of the course and I said, “I can’t believe that I still had enough in me to keep going. I could’ve gone until the next day at this point!” My ex fiancée being task oriented and concerned said to me, “You need to eat.”
Me: “What’chu got?”
Her: “I got…. this”
She pulls out a half eaten king size pack of Twix. “I’ll take it! Gimme that!” I said as I snatched it out of her hand mid sentence. I missed her expression and I haven’t had a Twix in years but after what I just went through I didn’t care. Healthy food or not I was eating it. As we waited around for the last of my team to finish the beast she went and got me a chicken sandwich that I finished in record time. I went and got my bag from the transition area and low and behold, my Ziploc bag of pumpkin spice cheerios were underneath it. I laugh a little at it before I picked it up. At this point nothing else mattered. At this race there was no fire jump or victory photos. No t-shirt or the coveted belt buckle. The only physical evidence I had to show for it was the soreness setting in slowly and the neon green wrist band that indicated that I was an ultra racer for that day.
This story doesn’t end in melancholy and defeated thoughts. There are lessons that I learned from this experience that I take with me everywhere I go. I found that I am capable of going well outside of my comfort zone when I need to and I was able to activate that side of me that is resilient despite any and all odds. I’ve never travelled over 15 miles on foot before and on this hallowed ground I went 28 miles. I was stopped with 4 miles to go and I was more than ready to make it happen. I learned that giving up isn’t what I do no matter how large the odds are stacked against me I will push until I win or until its over…. Or until I die. I know for the next time not to allow negative self-talk enter my thoughts because I know that I can handle more than I’ve ever encountered just as long as I dig in and move in the direction of life which is forward only.
Lesson 1:
I preach this all the time in my classes, my training sessions and to anyone who will listen. Once you’re in it, then you’re in it. You have to deal with the process or issues in front of you in that moment. Once I signed up for that race and put in the subs at work and committed to the house we were staying in, I was in it. It got real at the drop off bin check in and as the next day approached. Once I was on the line and then I hopped over the wall for the starting corral, the game was on and there was no backing out.
Lesson 2:
Remember where you have been in your life. Good, bad, or indifferent. When shit hits the fan replay those moments when things were extremely tough for you and use those as fuel to drive you forward. Allow it to fester somewhat and tap into your emotional state so that you can feel it and then activate all the things that made you survive what ever encounter you’ve endured previously. By doing this, even when I did bang my knee on a rock I simply shook it off and kept moving. I even caught a second wind during the second lap and was able to step up my pace quite a bit.
Lesson 3:
Over-prepare. As I heard in a book called, “Unbeatable Mind”, There was a segment where the author was telling a story of a diving mission (He was a Navy SEAL) and his mask filled up with water and he lost his other mask during the initial dive. He quoted someone who gave him the slogan, “Two is one, less is none.” In my case, I should’ve had two watches and another source of time keeping because once I lost that ability, I lost my way of tracking which in turn lead to me not finishing the race. Next go round I will be doing that for sure.
Lesson 4:
Give it all you got and learn from it. I can’t wait until I have my next shot at the Ultra. While many people were defeated by the race, I got charged up afterwards. And after that race, every race afterwards became very easy for me. Including the Vernon NJ Tri-state super which was done in 46 degrees with rain and wind, and then Fenway park stadium sprint in which I finally cracked the top 10 in my age group with a 6th place finish.
Lesson 5:
Surround yourself with tough individuals. When you’re going through a scenario such as a really challenging event, you want to have yourself around people who are strong-willed, have a positive mindset and willing to challenge you in order for you to press forward. In the event that you can’t find yourself a person with these qualities then press on by yourself as fast as you can. This way if you are indeed in a rhythm of going for something you can keep it going without the interruption of external forces.
In a nutshell, this race has totally transformed me for the rest of my life. Every race or physical challenge after this was made easier in comparison to the Killington Ultra. Finished or not I feel legendary regardless and I take that feeling with me everyday of my life.