Redefining the gray area: What it means to have true balance all while pushing beyond your limits
By Maurice Johnson
One day in my therapy session my therapist and I were going over my life in certain areas such as relationships and career. We’ve been working with each other for 10 years now and of course in that amount of time there has been a lot of notes written down from the outside looking in. She said to me, “Historically, you have had these periods where your productivity was through the roof and you were firing on 12 cylinders. These times are usually as you’re living in chaos in your personal/relationship life. You’ve also had periods where you were not as up in that area and you seem to experience a lull in performance. These times occurred when things were not as crazy and you have reached a state of stability to a degree.”
I agreed with her for sure as I was looking to figure out my next steps towards forward progression all the while having things that are working out for me in various areas. As a coach myself, I know what it means to constantly elevate no matter what’s going on in my life. I reached a point where I’ve reached a level of understanding of how emotions work and how to trick my subconscious mind into working in favor of my growth vs my fears and limits. I’ve dedicated a significant amount of time towards finding ways to stay inspired and uplifted and help others do the same. In this constant studying one of the things I’ve learned is that extreme ownership/acceptance is a major key towards getting there so of course it is something that I practice. In doing so, I totally dove in with my therapist to break down the whole thing of the tendency that was mentioned above.
She asked me questions to make sure that I wasn’t basing my whole way of being on my relationship and doing things just because my girlfriend is awesome and wonderful and I’m looking to please her. Of the things I’ve learned and looked at over the past few years is how I operate in a relationship. The previous programming, (as we call it) was for me to lose my sense of self in the relationship and the other person. So, I decided to do different to be different. And of course my girlfriend supports this 1000%. I make sure I wake up early, listen to my personal development, read often and do different things in order to short out my old programming that kept me limited in my progress. However, I noticed that I felt a bit of a lull approaching and I wanted to hit it off at the pass so to speak. My therapist asked me about what am I doing to maintain that other side of myself engaged and present. The other side that she was referring to is the side of myself that comes out when real opposition rears its head. The competitive side of myself that comes alive when I need to fight for survival or push through something really tough and grueling. That side that I call the “sub-level savage”. As an OCR runner I only have a certain amount of races that I can do in the northeast during the year as I am also working on my business as an independent fitness professional/coach. I also had suffered a nearly two-year setback because I had some chronic knee pain issues followed by a hernia repair surgery. I’m doing well since all of that and I decided to sign up for that one race that I didn’t make a few years back. Now that I’ve dealt with those things I once again press forward.
After this particular session I went on about my day looking at how my days were going. I remembered downloading Angry Birds and observing how distracted I got playing it as its designed to suck you into playing reducing your productive hours as well as your phone’s battery life. So I deleted it and opted for an audiobook instead. I felt good doing it but I also felt the lull still present. So I started taking action and finding ways to sprout productivity. My girlfriend had this great Idea to do vision boards for one of our date nights and it was such a great idea because it reawakened the productive wave that I needed to get going. It reminded me of the goals I already had set and it put me into a state of awareness and readiness to get after things and realize what I had already put in motion. In doing this I began thinking about the concept of the space between two extremes. The gray area.
The gray area has been the balance between to absolutes or extremes. Black and white. Being that the gray is a blend of black and white it represents the middle ground. However, the middle ground is different for everyone and the way its defined is totally dependent on the individual’s base of function and lifestyle. When considering your gray area think of the following:
1- Are you living your life and doing your life’s work?
2- If you are not doing your life’s work are you on the path towards it?
3- Are you regularly tired and irritated?
4- What will make you less tired and irritated?
5- What brings you joy and happiness?
6- Do you consider yourself capable of bringing yourself happiness and joy?
7- What if you really absolutely had a choice in how you design your way of life?
These questions are some of the questions I asked myself and many other experts who I’ve followed have done so themselves. Within the answers to these questions you will actually find your gray area or at least the path towards it. It’s the happy medium where you can recover from the day to day grind and still push forward without going to either extreme.
When you are living and doing your life’s work every day is one worth getting excited about. You operate in a state of flow on a constant basis and the the time just seems to pass by without effort. Your life’s work is the work that over time becomes second nature to you. This is after you take the time to master the skills required and you just love it. It’s not difficult in the sense that you stop and say its hard and you don’t want to do it, but rather a challenge that you set out to face and won’t stop until you win at it. When you’re not doing your life’s work you basically are in a state of resentment as you get out of bed in the morning because you rather be at home with a snuggie vs getting after it as you are required to. Also, you are often doing it for someone else that is benefitting from your labor besides you. This in turn can make you tired, irritated and bitter leading to more resentment of what you’re doing, and more often than not you start to wish that you didn’t start on the path that you set out on. Wishing instead for an easier existence. However, from what I’ve learned ease is a greater threat to progress than difficulty and challenge would ever be.
When you are tired and irritated can you think of the things that will counter those feelings? If you can, figure those things out and get after them ASAP. Do not hesitate on putting them to work for you because this is where you can potentially spark the creative energy needed to push beyond that point of fatigue and turn it into excited energy that may be needed to push forward or to change direction entirely. Finding and reminding yourself of what brings you joy and happiness is something that you can start your day off with. By doing this you put yourself into a position to where you begin to generate the feelings associated with positive energy therefore creating a space where imagination and creativity can thrive. Thus, setting up forward momentum.
The ability to be able to create happiness and joy is where you truly get to redefine your gray area. By being able to do this you take on the full responsibility and the power to make your life whatever you want, whenever you want. Creating happiness and joy is a tool that can get you through the toughest times of your life. It gives you staying power and strength in all aspects. In this you also practice gratitude and the power of gratitude serves as a reminder of your past wins in life. From those wins you can draw strength even in times of lulls in productivity so that you can push forward with even more power when the shift comes. Creating happiness and joy by your own design is where you begin to understand that when things aren’t so great that they actually are still great and you learn to use perspective and perception.
Finally, when you know that you really have a choice in how you design your life you totally unlock the unlimited potential within yourself. No matter the circumstances you take on the concept that as long as you’re alive you are still in the driver’s seat and that you are the master artist of your life. That means that when you find that gray area its just another set up for your forward push. It means that you are still moving forward although things are seeming to be still. Its you taking full responsibility which in turn means you get full credit in all parts the good and the bad and you can always turn it around on demand. The best part of all of this is that its only yours and it can never be taken from you.
In closing, after my therapy session I personally decided that I can operate from my gray area and that I can still move forward in a way that is great for me without having to be in one extreme or the other. I continued my action steps while also doing new things everyday to stimulate the forward progress while maintaining my own sense of balance. I consider everyday to be an adventure with my perspective and perceptions lined up in a way that gives me the choice to be and live how I want to. Because of this my gray area is redefined on a regular basis and I continue to do my life’s work which is to show others how to do the same.
-An Elevated Soul, Is an Excellent Soul
Maurice Johnson